


What's She Doing Here?

by kittyhazelnut



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24653497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyhazelnut/pseuds/kittyhazelnut
Summary: All Perry wanted to do was watch his chick flick in peace. Unfortunately, it's hard to focus on the movie with his nemesis's daughter sitting just a few feet away.
Relationships: Candace Flynn & Stacy Hirano, Candace Flynn & Stacy Hirano & Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, Stacy Hirano & Perry the Platypus, Stacy Hirano & Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz & Candace Flynn, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus
Comments: 34
Kudos: 219





	What's She Doing Here?

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place shortly after Stacy finds out that Perry is a secret agent.

It's a typical summer morning in the Flynn-Fletcher household. Phineas and Ferb are brainstorming ideas for fun inventions to make today in the backyard. Lawrence is at work, though claiming the antique store is "work" is a bit of a stretch when antiquing is his favorite pastime. Linda is grocery shopping, which she does far too often. And Candace is… well, wherever Candace is. 

Perry usually spends his mornings with the boys. He loves hearing their plans for the day, even if he rarely gets to see the end result. He likes hanging around their friends, too. They always make things interesting. 

Today, he decides to shake it up a little bit. He heads back inside, and none of the kids seem to notice, which makes him wonder if he really has to sneak around every time he goes to work. He walks around for a minute or two, but when he finds both the living room and kitchen empty, he bounds up the stairs. 

He doesn't hear Candace's voice, which means she's probably not on the phone. She rarely lets anyone else do the talking. Perry walks up to her door. It's closed, so he can't tell if she's in there. He pauses, listening. He's almost beginning to think she must've slipped off to the mall without yelling at Phineas and Ferb first, but then he hears a small crash, and he knows she's there. 

Candace sighs. " _Great_."

Perry knocks on the door, then quickly puts his foot down. No one is supposed to know that he understands anyone or anything at all, and his ability to knock would definitely be a giveaway. Sure, he could knock on Doofenshmirtz's door, though he tends to just blast through it, or the OWCA door, though he can just walk in, or even Stacy's door, though no one is supposed to know that Stacy knows about Doofenshmirtz, but when he’s in his own home, he can’t take that risk.

"Who is it?" Candace asks.

Perry just stands there in hopes that she’ll open the door without an answer. 

"Hello?" Candace says impatiently. 

Perry knocks again. 

Candace groans. "What do you want?"

At this point, Perry is starting to think he should just go, but he's too interested in what's going on for that. He's used to Candace being annoyed, but Phineas and Ferb usually play a part in that. They haven't done anything yet today so he can’t imagine what has her in a mood. He knocks once more. 

Candace groans again, louder and more dramatically than the time before. There's a brief pause before Candace slams her door open, and even though Perry knows it opens in, he still jumps away. 

"Perry?" Candace scoffs. "What are you doing? Go away!"

Perry just chatters at her. 

"Go, shoo!" Candace says, already closing her door. 

Perry quickly steps in the room, and he's very grateful that Candace stops the door right before it crushes him. She's not happy about it, but he'll take what he can get. 

"What do you want?" Candace asks, exasperated. 

Perry looks around. It only takes a moment for him to figure out what made the loud crash — she knocked over a stack of DVDs. He walks over to them, curious as to which ones she’s looking at.

"Hey, back off!" Candace says, nudging him away with her foot. 

Perry hits her foot away with his beak and lies down in front of the movies. He knows most of these. The _Twilight_ series, _The Notebook_ , _Titanic_ … God, has he seen all of her movies? 

Candace sighs. "Fine, stick around. See if I care."

Perry chatters, content. 

Candace sits down behind him, reaching over him to pick up her DVDs, one at a time. With every movie, she mutters some type of comment — "too childish," "too actiony," "too boring," "too mainstream."

Perry stands up and grabs the one he's most interested in — _27 Dresses_. It's been out for ages, but he's never gotten around to watching it. Maybe Candace will put it on for them. Even if he doesn't get to finish it before work, if she leaves it out, he can watch it later. 

"Hey, drop it!" Candace squeals. 

Perry grips it just a little harder between his teeth and looks up, trying to hold it out to her. Fuming, Candace just takes the movie and tosses it back down. Perry has to step on another DVD to get it back, but he picks _27 Dresses_ up again and holds it up in his mouth. 

Candace grabs the DVD. "If you don't leave my stuff alone, I'm going to throw you out the window."

Perry just chatters. 

Candace sighs and starts putting the DVD on her stack of rejects, but she pauses at the last second. She holds it out in front of her, doubtlessly thinking something, though Perry can't discern from her facial expressions what it could be. 

Finally, Candace shrugs. "This could work."

Perry chatters. That's exactly what he wanted to hear. Now they can go downstairs and —

_Beep!_

Doofenshmirtz must have gotten an early start. His briefing wasn't supposed to be for at least another hour. When is he supposed to find the time to watch a whole movie on his own before Candace takes it back to her room?

He walks out of the room and heads to the nearest secret entrance to his lair. Maybe he can at least make it home before the end of the movie, and he can watch the beginning later. It's not ideal, but beggars can't be choosers. 

~~

When Perry gets home, Linda is in the middle of offering all the kids some pie. Per usual, Candace is "But-but-but"ing at the tree in the yard. Everyone else just wants to eat.

"Oh, there you are, Perry," Phineas says. 

Perry chatters. It's good to be home. 

"Candace, honey," Linda calls out to her. "Do you want me to make another pie for your friends tonight?" 

Candace sighs and follows the kids inside. "Yes, please."

Perry follows her, hopping inside just before she closes the door. He didn't realize Candace was having friends over tonight. Maybe she's saving the movie for when Stacy and Jenny come over. They're her two best friends, if you don't count her boyfriend, so it's a safe assumption he'll be seeing them. 

Part of him feels like he should stay away — he hasn't seen Stacy since he and Doofenshmirtz accidentally broke into her house, and he's not sure he wants to see her again any time soon. Fortunately, Stacy already knows to keep his secret agent status to herself, and with two girls who know nothing about it, he knows it won't come up. It's bound to be awkward, but a survivable awkward. And it's not like she's never seen him watch a chick flick before, even if she didn't realize he was really watching at the time, so it’s not going to be too embarrassing, either. There's nothing to worry about. 

As the kids eat, Perry curls up in bed. He tends to do that when he gets home. He's always tired after a fight with Doofenshmirtz, and having to pretend he's still energized when he leaves the place just makes it more exhausting. Couple that with the fact that he hasn't had a day off in weeks… well, he needs the rest. 

But at the same time, he gets to listen to the kids talk about what they did that day. Usually, he can understand with context clues, but today sounds like a whole bunch of gibberish. They must have done something more extraordinary than usual today. 

Instead of trying to follow along, he lets himself fall asleep. He's sure the girls will be loud enough to wake him when it's movie time. 

~~

The sound of Candace running to the door wakes Perry up that evening. He follows her down the hall, eager to see who's here. Maybe he'll get lucky and it's both Stacy and Jenny, and they can start their movie now. 

Unfortunately, it's just Stacy, lugging along a duffel bag and a couple pillows. Perry just waits at the end of the hallway for her and Candace to finish squealing about god-knows-what. Candace helps her friend carry her pillows inside, saying as they walk that they're going to be sleeping in the living room. 

Stacy looks down at the platypus awkwardly. "Hi, Perry."

Perry just chatters. He feels just as awkward as she sounds, but he's sure no one can tell because his mindless pet facade tends to cover all his emotions. 

"Is, uh…" Stacy looks at Candace warily. "Is Perry going to spend the night with us?"

"I doubt it," Candace says with a shrug. "He usually sleeps in the boys' room."

"Cool." She nods slowly. "That's… cool."

Candace raises an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you _want_ him to stick around. He'll just stink up the whole room."

Stacy looks down at Perry, probably expecting him to have some type of reaction to that. Fortunately, he's grown accustomed to Candace's rude remarks, and he's been ignoring them since he was a baby. Since Stacy seems to expect _something_ from him, he chatters, but normally he wouldn't even bother. 

"I, uh…" Stacy forces a smile. "I don't care either way."

"Well, I do," Candace says. "I'll make the boys take him away before we start the movie if he doesn't leave on his own." She looks down at him in disdain. "I don't even know why he's still hanging around. He must like you."

"Oh?" Stacy looks down at him awkwardly.

Perry just chatters. He tends to do that when the attention is on him. It's the quickest way to shift that attention away. He doesn't want Stacy to think he likes her more now that she knows he's a secret agent, but he can't quite dispel the rumor without, say, biting her, which would just make her think the opposite. Getting their focus off him seems to be his only reasonable course of action.

"Although I gotta give him credit," Candace says. “He did pick the movie."

"He _what?_ "

"Yeah, he kept picking it up," Candace says. "And I know he was just being a pest, but I figure it's as good a movie as any."

"And you said we're watching _27 Dresses_?" 

Candace nods. "Yeah, it's _such_ a good movie."

"I watched it with you," Stacy reminds her. "I know the movie."

"Oh." Candace frowns. "Then do you not want to watch it?"

"Of course I want to watch it!" Stacy says. " _Hello_ , James Marsden is in it?"

"Yes, yes he is," Candace says with a giggle. "But you don't seem as excited as I thought you would be."

"No, I'm super excited," Stacy assures her. "I'm just surprised Perry picked the movie."

"He's just a platypus, Stacy," Candace says. "He doesn't even know what a DVD _is_."

Stacy looks back down at Perry, and again, he just gives a mindless chatter, but he has to admit, this is pretty embarrassing. He didn't really mind getting caught watching a chick flick because he's done that a million times, but he was hoping to maintain _some_ dignity by pretending he didn't _want_ to watch it. 

The doorbell rings, saving him from more mortification. Candace runs to the door, and Perry expects Stacy to follow, but she doesn't. She crouches down next to Perry, and he focuses his eyes to show that he's aware that she's trying to talk to him. 

"Do you want to watch _27 Dresses_?" she whispers. 

Perry nods. It's not like there's any point in hiding it. 

"Then I'll make sure Candace lets you stay," Stacy says. 

Perry chatters appreciatively. 

With a small smile, she adds, "You know, I didn't take you for the chick flick type.” 

Perry gives her an awkward smile. 

Stacy says something else, but Perry doesn't hear it. He hears a different voice first, one that concerns him much more than Stacy does. He stands up and instinctively reaches for his hat, only to remember that he doesn't need his hat when he's not at Doofenshmirtz's or on the clock with OWCA. He just needs to be ready.

"What is it?" Stacy asks. 

Perry runs to the kitchen, hiding behind the wall and just poking his head around. His suspicions are confirmed when he sees Candace at the door with none other than Vanessa Doofenshmirtz. 

Perry drops back down to all fours. What is Vanessa doing here? She's older than both Candace and Stacy, and they don't exactly run in the same crowd. She's the last person he would expect to walk into this house, and he has absolutely no idea what to do. 

"So," Vanessa says, "what's on the agenda for tonight?"

"Well, I was thinking we could make some cookies," Candace says. "And watch a movie, and do each other's hair and… that's… not… something you're into…"

This is exactly what Perry was thinking. They have nothing in common. Vanessa wouldn't want them to do her hair. She'd want to watch boring foreign films with deeper meaning to them. They have totally different ideas of a good sleepover. 

"Did you manage to fit all your stuff in that one bag?" Candace asks, probably just to change the subject. 

"Yeah, my dad made it so — wait, is that a platypus?"

Perry chatters. 

Candace sighs. "Yeah, that's Perry. Just ignore him. That's what I do."

" _Perry?_ " Vanessa repeats, gaping at him. 

"If you think _that's_ a weird name, the boys were gonna name him Bartholomew when we first got him," Candace says, completely misunderstanding what is happening. 

"Right…” After a pause, Vanessa looks away from Perry and over to her friend. "Where _are_ the boys, anyway?" 

"In their room," Candace says. "I already told them to beat it, so we should be fine."

"So we're not gonna see them?" Vanessa asks, and she almost looks disappointed. How she knows Phineas and Ferb, he doesn't think he wants to know. 

"Hopefully not," Candace says. "Come on, I'll show you where you can put your stuff."

Candace leads Vanessa to the living room, and once again, Stacy crouches down by Perry's side. He refocuses his eyes. 

"Is everything okay?" Stacy asks quietly. 

Perry nods. It's really not okay — his nemesis's daughter knows where he lives now — but he's not _too_ worried about that. He trusts Vanessa about as much as you can trust anyone that's ever been complicit in your attempted murder, which, in his line of work, is quite a lot. But between Vanessa and Stacy, there are a lot of ways for his cover to be blown tonight, and he is _not_ looking forward to this. 

"Are you sure?" Stacy asks. "You went into secret-agent-mode for a minute there."

Perry unfocuses his eyes and chatters. He can't physically tell Stacy that there's nothing for her to worry about, so showing that he's not worried, though slightly misleading, is the best he can do. 

"Alright, cool," Stacy says.

Candace and Vanessa choose that moment to walk back into the room. Vanessa doesn't seem to think anything of it — why would she? She's seen her dad monologue to him time after time, so Stacy talking to him is nothing new — but Candace looks confused. 

"Why are you talking to Perry?" Candace asks. 

"Uh…" Stacy looks down at him nervously. 

Always the quickest thinker, Perry walks over to her hand and rubs his head against it like a cat. She seems to get the idea, because she scratches his head, and he lies down, content. Oh, how he loves attention.

"Doesn't everyone talk to animals when they pet them?" Stacy asks. 

Candace snorts. "You're just as weird as my brothers."

Perry looks up at Vanessa, who seems somehow more uncomfortable now than she did when she first showed up. It's probably strange to see him like this. Agent P doesn't want to be pet. Perry does. There's a big distinction there, and likely one that's weird to witness. 

"Come on," Candace says. "Let's make cookies!"

Perry follows the girls to the kitchen, where he lies down on the floor and closes his eyes. He just wants to be close enough to know when they're done and getting ready to watch the movie, and hopefully their baking will make enough noise to keep him awake. 

"So," Vanessa says awkwardly as the girls begin baking. "What, uh… what's Perry like?"

Perry opens one eye just to watch what's going on. He didn't expect to be the topic of conversation, and once again, he’s petrified that someone is going to blow his cover. 

Candace scoffs. "What type of question is that? He's a platypus. He doesn't do much."

"Really?" Vanessa eyes him warily. 

"Yeah, he doesn't do _anything_ ," Stacy says. "Just lies there. All day. Doing nothing."

That's the type of thing Perry would roll his eyes at if he could admit he understood it.

"Interesting," Vanessa says. 

"No, not really," Candace says. "He's about as uninteresting as a pet can get."

"Does he ever leave the house?" Vanessa asks. 

"Yeah, he disappears for a few hours pretty much every day," Candace says. "But, again, he's so boring that no one even notices."

"Huh." Vanessa looks down at him. 

Perry closes his eyes. She's a bit brighter than her father is, so she definitely can't mistake him for another platypus named Perry. He'll just make it as obvious as possible that he's trying to be a mindless animal, and that he’s not a threat in any way. Sure, Vanessa's likely never really thought of him as a threat to anyone but her father, anyway, but he wants it to be obvious that he's not. 

There's a light pounding on the stairs, and Perry knows even without opening his eyes that the boys are coming. That's just _great_. Candace is going to make them take him away, isn't she?

"Hey, Candace?' Phineas calls. "Have you seen Perry?"

"He's over here," Candace says. 

Perry opens his eyes in time to see Phineas and Ferb step into view. Perry expects them to head straight for him, but they're too polite for that, much to Candace's chagrin. 

"Hi, Stacy," Phineas says. "Hi, Vanessa."

"Hi, Phineas," they both say in unison, though Vanessa adds a fond, "Hey, Ferb."

Ferb just waves. 

"Just take your platypus and go," Candace says. 

"Okay!" Phineas crouches down and holds his arms out. "Come on, Perry."

Perry doesn't move.

Phineas frowns. "Perry, what are you doing?" 

He walks over and tries to scoop him up, but Perry quickly steps out of the way. 

"Perry, let's go!" Phineas insists, trying to pick him up again. 

Perry sidesteps him.

"I'm sorry," Phineas says, directing it mostly to Stacy and Vanessa. "He doesn't usually do this."

"Maybe he wants to stay," Stacy says.

"Well, it sucks to be him, then," Candace says. "I'm not letting him ruin our night."

"I don't think he'd ruin anything," Stacy says. "He's just a platypus."

"Exactly," Candace deadpans. "Right, Vanessa?"

"Uh…" Vanessa looks down at him. "I mean, I don't really care, I guess."

Though Vanessa was only hesitant because she knows he's a secret agent, Candace takes it to mean she agrees, and says, "See? No one wants him here."

Vanessa frowns. "That wasn't quite what I…" She looks down at Perry sympathetically. "I mean, that's a little mean."

"It's not like he speaks English," Candace says. "Phineas, Ferb, take him away."

"We can try," Phineas says uncertainly.

Phineas reaches for Perry, who hops out of the way just in time. Ferb grabs him, but his grip is just awkward enough that he wiggles free. Both boys try again, this time at the same time, and Perry narrowly avoids them. He's not sure he can keep this up much longer. They're smart kids; they'll figure out how to get him eventually.

"You know what?" Stacy says. "I think we should keep him around."

Phineas and Ferb stop trying to catch him, and everyone looks at Candace expectantly. 

"You're kidding," Candace says. "When do you _ever_ want to hang out with Perry?"

"I don't know." Stacy shrugs. "He's never really bothered me, and it looks like he wants to stay."

"Who cares what he wants?" Candace asks. "He'll have as much fun lying on the floor in the boys' room as he would lying on the floor here."

"Come on, we can't just kick him out," Stacy says. "I mean, he picked the movie, right?"

Vanessa laughs. " _Perry_ picked the movie?"

And this is somehow even more embarrassing than when Candace told Stacy. 

"Not literally," Candace says. "I mean, he's kinda an idiot, even for a platypus."

"That's not nice," Phineas says, frowning. "He's not an idiot just because he doesn't do much."

"No, he's an idiot because he's an idiot," Candace says before finishing her previous thought by telling Vanessa, "He just kept picking up the DVD because, you know, he's an idiot."

" _Right_ , I'm sure that's it," Vanessa says, looking down at Perry with an amused smile. 

Perry just chatters. 

"So do you guys want to keep him for the night?" Phineas asks. 

"No," Candace says immediately. 

"I do," Stacy says. "You know, until he wants to leave, at least."

"I guess it's up to you, Vanessa," Phineas says. "Do you want us to take him?"

Vanessa hesitates. Perry decides to take arguably the biggest risk he's taken in front of these kids (in this dimension, at least — anything involving a platyborg doesn't count) and looks up at her with the biggest pleading eyes he can manage. It's the closest he's ever come to letting the kids know he understands them, but he _really_ wants to watch this movie. 

After a few seconds, Vanessa says, "You know what? I think I want Perry to stay."

Candace gapes at her. "Seriously?"

Vanessa shrugs. "He's kinda cute." Looking at Perry pointedly, she adds, "Unlike another platypus I know."

Perry’s not sure if that’s an insult or a compliment, so his chatter could be read as either a “thank you” or a “screw you.”

"You know two platypuses?" Stacy asks. 

"Never mind," Vanessa says. "Now, are we making cookies or not?"

~~

"So, Candace, how are you and Jeremy?" Stacy asks.

"We are _fantastic_ ," Candace says, beaming. "He invited me to his band practice tomorrow!"

"Really?" Stacy gasps. "Coltran invited me, too!"

Candace squeals. "We get to watch them practice together!" 

Vanessa clasps her hands in her lap, eyes wandering the room. She's either feeling bored or awkward — or both, if she's anything like Perry. He's not sure how she knows Candace and Stacy, but he's willing to bet she knows little to nothing about their boyfriends, so this conversation doesn't mean much to her. 

Perry hops up on the couch between Stacy and Vanessa, and he's glad Stacy decided to sit a little closer to Candace than she is to Vanessa, because there's plenty of space. 

"Perry, what are you doing?" Vanessa whispers. 

Perry turns around so he's not facing the couch, and he rests his head in Vanessa's lap. He can't acknowledge her in any way he usually would, but he doesn't want her to feel ignored — and he likes laps, which is just a bonus. 

Unfortunately, Candace notices, because she immediately says, "Perry! Off the couch!"

Perry doesn't move. 

"Is he not allowed on the couch?" Vanessa asks. 

"Not when I'm on it," Candace says. "He's got a bed right next to you. There's no reason for him to be shedding all over us and the couch when he's got a bed right there."

"I don't mind," Vanessa says. "Stacy, do you want me to move him?"

"No, he's fine," Stacy says. 

"Cool." Vanessa pets his head a few times for show. "Then why don't we let him stay?"

"Agreed," Stacy says. 

Perry chatters quietly, content. 

" _Anyways_ ," Stacy says, changing the subject, "Vanessa, do you have a boyfriend?"

"I do," she says. 

"Ooh, who is it?" Candace asks eagerly. 

"His name is Monty," Vanessa says. "He's really sweet, but our dads don't really get along, so that complicates things."

"Oh, I remember him!" Stacy says. "From the Halloween party, right? The pimpernel!"

"Oh yeah!" Candace says. "He jumped out the window, didn't he?" 

Vanessa laughs. "Yeah, that would be him."

"Can I ask what happened with your dads?" Candace asks. 

"Oh, they're…" Vanessa glances down at Perry, who could think of a million excuses for her if he could talk. "They're rivals. At work."

"And they can't put that aside for you guys?" Stacy asks. 

Vanessa shakes her head. "Their rivalry runs deep. If either of them found out, Monty would be dead and I'd never get to leave my room again."

"That blows," Candace says.

"To be fair, every time my dad meets one of my boyfriends, I want to sink into a lake and die," Vanessa says with a shrug. "At least I don't have to worry about him wanting to get too involved if he doesn't know I have a boyfriend."

Perry can't help but laugh, quietly enough that he doesn't think anyone can hear, but Vanessa can still feel him shake. She gently hits him over the head to shut him up.

"I know exactly how you feel," Candace says. "I swear, Phineas and Ferb exist _just_ to embarrass me."

"They seem pretty cool to me," Vanessa says. 

"They're not," Candace says. "Trust me."

"If you insist," Vanessa says, though she clearly doesn't believe it. "Oh, hey, if I were to ask to borrow a sleeping bag, would you not tell my dad?"

"Sure?" Candace says uncertainly. 

"Why not?" Stacy asks. "What, your dad hates sleeping bags?"

"Not quite," Vanessa says. "He made me a 'travel bed,' and I don't want him to know I only took it out of obligation."

"What's a travel bed?" Stacy asks. 

Vanessa sighs. "Do you want to see it in action?"

"Yes," Candace and Stacy say in unison.

Vanessa gently moves Perry off her lap with a whispered, "Excuse me" before heading to her bag. She pulls out a little cube, and that's all Perry needs to know that this isn't good. It's obviously some type of invention if this tiny cube is supposed to be a whole bed, and he doesn't want any Doofenshmirtz invention in his house. 

Perry jumps off the couch and runs up to Vanessa. He jumps up and hits the cube out of her hands. Unfortunately, his mouth isn't big enough to pick it up, and he can't exactly use his hands in front of Candace. 

"Oh, come on, Perry," Vanessa says, exasperated. "It's _just_ a bed."

Perry hits the cube away with his beak.

"I can make the boys take him away at any time, you know," Candace says.

Perry hits the cube away again. It doesn't roll, what with having six flat sides, so it's not easy, but he's determined to slide it under the couch where Vanessa can't get it. 

"Tell you what," Vanessa says. "If Perry tries to take it away again, then yes, call the boys back."

Perry pushes it away quicker this time and hides under the couch with it. They can't take him away if they can't reach him. 

"Perry, what are you doing?" Vanessa asks, exasperated. "Do you want to watch the movie or not?"

"Not," Candace says. "He couldn't care less about the movie. He just wants the attention."

"I don't think that's it," Vanessa says, which is oddly comforting in the sense that she at least seems to know why Perry's uncomfortable with this. 

"What, you're a platypus whisperer?" Candace asks sarcastically. "Hang on. I'm gonna grab Phineas and Ferb."

"I'm sure we can get it back from him," Stacy says. "Let me try."

"I should probably do it," Vanessa says. 

"No, I think I can — and you're already doing it."

Vanessa's face pokes through under the couch. "Hey, buddy."

Now that it's just Vanessa, Perry has no qualms about using his hands, and he quickly moves the "portable bed" up against the wall. 

"Perry, relax," Vanessa whispers. "I swear, it's just a bed. My dad tested it a million times."

Perry narrows his eyes. He doesn't trust Doofenshmirtz's testing at all. 

"I promise, it's not going to blow up," Vanessa assures him. "My dad wouldn't even let me go camping myself. He sure as hell wouldn't give me something he doesn't know is safe if he wouldn't be here when I used it."

Perry hesitates, but she has a point. He probably takes more precautions with Vanessa than he does with himself. There's a reason there are only two nonmetal arms between them, and both belong to Vanessa. 

Reluctantly, Perry carries the cube back to her and leaves it just out from under the couch. He's going to stay under here just a little longer, partially because he doesn't want to get blown up but mostly because he doesn't want Candace to send him away before they watch the movie. 

"Thank you," Vanessa says, scooping it up and standing once more. "Now, everyone stay on the couch. I don't want to squish anyone."

"What does that even mean?" Candace asks. 

"You'll see."

Vanessa stands with her back against the wall and carefully aims the cube in front of her. She presses a button, and it springs into a bed, right across the living room floor. 

"How did you…" Candace breathes. 

"My dad's an inventor," Vanessa says. "Just, not a useful one."

Perry smiles. That's a nice way to put it. 

"How was he expecting you to get it home?" Candace asks. 

"There's a fold up button somewhere underneath it," Vanessa says, already on the floor and ready to crawl under to find it. 

Perry crawls out from the couch and heads under the bed instead, and he pushes the fold up button with his head before Vanessa has to figure out how to reach it. In an instant, the bed is back to being a tiny cube, and Vanessa picks it up. 

"Like that," Vanessa says. "I tried to tell him it was overkill, but he wouldn't listen."

"That's actually really cool," Stacy says. "It looks like something Phineas and Ferb would make."

"And then they'd fold it up and throw it away right before my mom could see it," Candace adds with a frown. 

"I know the feeling," Vanessa says. "I can never manage to show my mom any of my dad's inventions. He made a whole country in the ocean, and all she saw was his stuffed model."

"My brothers made an animal translator, and it worked on every other animal in Danville, but it didn't work with Perry, and that's all my mom saw," Candace says. 

"Why wouldn't it work with Perry?" Vanessa asks, confused. "What, do his little _grrrr_ s mean nothing?"

"I have no idea," Candace says. "Probably. I mean, he's not that bright."

Everyone looks down at Perry, who just lies down on his side and chatters. 

"Exactly," Candace says. 

Vanessa and Stacy both look at Perry sympathetically. He wishes he could tell them that he doesn't care what Candace says about him. It's nice that they care, though. No one else knows Perry can understand her insults, so it doesn't bother anyone else — not even Phineas and Ferb. 

"Should we watch the movie now?" Stacy asks. "I think we should watch the movie now."

"Agreed," Vanessa says. 

"Good idea," Candace says, getting up to put the DVD in. 

Perry waits for Vanessa to sit back down before hopping up on the couch. Once again, he's sandwiched between Vanessa and Stacy, and he briefly wonders what the fairest way to go about this would be. He doesn't want either of them to think he doesn't like them, but he doesn't want it to be weird, either. 

After a few moments, he decides to put his head in Stacy's lap. He already did it to Vanessa, and it's easier to see the TV this way, anyway. 

"Does Perry like being pet?" Stacy asks. 

"I don't know," Candace says, barely paying attention. "Probably."

Stacy never would have asked that if she didn't know he was a secret agent. He's pretty sure she's petted him before without a second thought. This is why he tries to keep his personal life and his business life separate — that, and he doesn't want OWCA to haul him away. 

Perry runs his head against Stacy's leg before letting it fall back down. That's the closest he can get to assuring her he likes being pet, and she seems to take the hint, because she scratches his head. This is nice. 

He risks a glance at Vanessa out of the corner of his eye, and she watches them warily. This must be even weirder for her than it is for Stacy. At least Stacy's used to him being a mindless animal. Vanessa's never seen him do anything but beat up her dad. 

Candace turns back around, the movie all set to play, and groans. "You're really gonna let him stay on the couch?"

"Why not?" Stacy says. 

Candace sighs. "Fine, whatever. We've got a movie to watch."

~~

 _27 Dresses_ is a pretty good movie. Granted, Perry thinks most movies he gets to watch all the way through are good movies, but that doesn't make this one any less good. It was definitely worth hanging around all evening, even with Candace's exasperated remarks. 

About halfway through the movie, Perry had gotten up, walked in a few circles, and then started using Vanessa as a pillow again. Though he didn't know it at the time, he soon realizes that the reason she didn't react is because she fell asleep. Apparently, not everyone agrees that it was a good movie. 

"Should we wake her up?" Stacy asks. 

"Probably," Candace says. 

Stacy shakes her shoulders gently. "Vanessa?"

Vanessa mumbles incoherently. 

"Vanessa, wake up," Stacy says quietly. "The movie's over."

"Huh?" Vanessa slowly opens her eyes and looks around. "Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's all good," Candace says. 

"Did you guys like the movie, though?" Vanessa asks. 

"Oh, yeah," Stacy says with a grin. "It was just as good as the first time."

"Agreed," Candace says. 

Vanessa looks down at Perry. "And did _you_ like the movie?"

Perry just chatters. 

"I'll take that as a yes," she says, amused. 

"Let's go upstairs and grab an extra sleeping bag," Candace says. "And we can drop Perry off with the boys while we're up there."

"Sounds good to me," Stacy says. 

Perry follows girls upstairs, and he splits off when they reach the closet. He heads straight to Phineas and Ferb's room, where he finds the door creaked open but the lights off. It must be later than he thought, because it sounds like they're already fast asleep and he doesn't want to wake them up. He can't stay with the girls all night, either. Candace would kill him, and he doesn’t want either of the other girls to feel weird. Now what does he do?

"What's Perry doing?" Vanessa asks. 

"I have no idea," Candace says, already walking over to him. "Perry, go to bed."

Perry doesn't move. 

Candace sighs. "Come on, bedtime." 

She walks over to him and picks him up, ready to carry him to bed. She pushes Phineas and Ferb's door open, then pauses, apparently seeing the same problem he did. 

"Okay, maybe I can't put you to bed," Candace says, mostly to herself. She puts him back on the floor. 

"What is it?" Stacy asks. 

Candace rejoins her friends, lowering her voice as she responds, "The boys are already asleep, and I don't want to wake them up by dropping a platypus on one of their beds."

"I guess he's spending the night with us," Vanessa says, answering Perry’s question for him.

Candace scoffs. "Seriously?"

"Why not?" Vanessa says with a shrug. 

Candace sighs. "Fine, but he's sleeping as far away from my face as possible."

~~

Perry sleeps on the couch, where he's sure he's much more comfortable than the girls on the floor. He'd rather be in bed with Phineas or Ferb, but he'll take what he can get. 

It's the middle of the night, and everyone is fast asleep, Perry included. Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever, and he's woken up by the familiar beeping of his watch. Monogram must be calling, which means it must be important. That’s why Perry feels the slightest pang of guilt when he shuts it off. Unfortunately, Monogram calls again, which means he probably won’t stop until Perry picks up. He adjust his position so he can see his watch, and he’s about to answer it when —

"What _is_ that?" 

Perry puts a finger to his mouth to shut Stacy up. If Monogram finds out she knows he's a secret agent… well, he wouldn't appreciate the host family loophole the same way she and Perry do. 

"Seriously, what is that?" Stacy repeats, sitting up to look around. 

Perry jumps off the couch and starts to walk out of the room. He's going to have to find somewhere private to take this call. 

"Perry?" Stacy says quietly. 

Perry puts a finger to his bill again, this time where she can see him. 

"Oh, sorry," Stacy whispers. 

Vanessa sits up with a soft groan. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Stacy says quickly. 

Vanessa spots Perry in the doorway and sighs. "Is it my dad?"

Perry shrugs. He's not sure what her dad would be doing in the middle of the night, but he's not sure what else Monogram would need to speak with him about now, either. 

"Wait, hold up," Stacy says. "You know that he's a…?"

"Yeah, he practically lives at my place," Vanessa says. "I thought this was gonna be the first time I saw him that didn't end with him blowing my dad up, but the night is still young, I guess."

"I'm sorry, Perry _blew up your dad_?"

Perry crosses his arms. Well, when you say it like _that_ …

"Yeah, they're nemeses," Vanessa says. "You guys kept talking like he was just some mindless pet, so I didn't want to say anything about it."

"Candace doesn't know," Stacy says. "And I'm not supposed to know, either."

"So she really thinks he doesn't do anything?" 

"That's what we all thought."

They both look over at Perry, who still stands in the doorway, unsure if he should leave. Monogram is still trying to get his attention, but he's not sure he wants these two to keep talking about him behind his back, _especially_ with Candace in the room. This is what he was afraid of when he first heard Vanessa’s voice, and the fact that Candace is asleep for now only makes him feel a little better.

"You can go, you know," Vanessa says. "If my dad's trying to take over the tri-state area again, someone has to stop him."

Perry salutes her, then heads to the kitchen to take his call in peace. Monogram's face appears on his watch, and Perry looks down at him impatiently. 

"Sorry to wake you, Agent P," Monogram says, "but we just got word that Doofenshmirtz was googling directions to your host family's house."

Perry sighs. _That's_ what they had to wake him up for? He drops back down to all fours and sneaks around the corner to the living room, where Stacy and Vanessa are still talking about him quietly. Hopefully Monogram can't hear them, because that would cause a lot of problems. He holds his watch out, the screen facing the girls, so Monogram can see them.

"Is that… is that Vanessa Doofenshmirtz?" Monogram asks. 

Perry returns to his hiding spot in the kitchen and stands up again, waiting for instructions — preferably ones that let him go back to sleep. 

"Does Doofenshmirtz know you live there?" Monogram asks. 

Perry shakes his head. 

"Has Vanessa mentioned anything she shouldn't?" Monogram asks. 

Perry shakes his head again. 

"Is anything going on that we should be concerned about?" Monogram asks. 

Perry shakes his head once more. 

"So I guess it's safe to assume that Doofenshmirtz was just looking for directions to pick his daughter up?" Monogram guesses. 

Perry nods. That would be his assumption. He definitely doesn't know where Perry lives, that's for sure. 

"Then I guess we're done here," Monogram says uncertainly. "Good night."

With that, Monogram is gone, and Perry heads back to his couch. He expects Stacy and Vanessa to be as eager to go back to sleep as he is, but they seem perfectly content talking instead. He hops up on the couch and walks in a circle a few times to get comfortable before lying down. 

"Everything okay, Perry?" Stacy asks. 

Perry nods. 

"My dad's not doing something stupid?" Vanessa adds. 

Perry shakes his head, though he must admit, googling directions in the middle of the night when he could he sleeping isn't _not_ stupid. If he doesn't have an evil scheme tomorrow or he falls asleep during his monologue, Perry now knows why. 

"Is it going to be a problem when he picks me up tomorrow?" Vanessa asks. "'Cause he still refuses to get me a car."

Perry shakes his head again. Monogram's expecting it now, so they'll be fine. 

"Is there going to be a problem when your dad picks you up and sees his… what did you call it, his nemesis?" Stacy asks. 

"God no," Vanessa says with a laugh. "My dad wouldn't recognize Perry without his hat if he kicked him in the face."

_Literally._

"Seriously?" Stacy laughs. "That is _hilarious_."

Perry closes his eyes. They can keep laughing about Doofenshmirtz if they want, but he's going to sleep. 

~~

Between running into Vanessa and his late-night call with Monogram, Perry's a little more frazzled than he usually is at night. Unfortunately, that results in a nightmare about his cover being blown, which is easily his biggest fear. 

He only knows he's having a nightmare when someone wakes him up from it. It's far from the first time that's happened over the five years he's lived here, and Phineas and Ferb are always there for him when they feel him squirming under their arms or at their feet. His first thought when he feels a hand on his back is that it must be one of the boys, and it instantly makes him feel better.

"Perry?" Vanessa says quietly. "Are you okay?"

Perry's eyes snap open at the sound of her voice, and he immediately stands up.

"Woah, buddy, calm down," Vanessa says, putting her hands up. 

Perry sits back down. 

"Were you having a nightmare?" Vanessa asks. 

Perry crosses his arms. Yes, he was having a nightmare, but he's not going to admit it. He's a badass secret agent. He doesn't need to admit to _anything_.

"You know, my dad thinks you are absolutely fearless," Vanessa remarks. "I always knew that couldn't be true."

Perry hands her the same business card he gave Doofenshmirtz — " _Perry the Platypus: Fearless_."

Vanessa laughs. "Oh, I'm sure you are."

Perry narrows his eyes. 

"Okay, okay, sorry," she says, but the smile on her face says otherwise. "Are you okay now, or do you need a snuggle buddy?" 

Perry glares at her. 

"I'm just messing with you," she says. "I mean, unless you're into that sort of thing, what with apparently being a brainless platypus who doesn't do much."

Perry shrugs as if to say _what can you do?_ He knew Vanessa was questioning that from the moment she first heard it, and it was only a matter of time before it came up. 

"Anyway, I'm going back to sleep," Vanessa says. "G'night, Perry."

Perry chatters quietly. He waits for Vanessa to crawl back into her sleeping bag before closing his eyes. For being as tired as he is, he doesn't fall asleep easily. Every few minutes he'll roll over or stand up and rewalk his circles before lying down again, but he just can't get comfortable. No matter how hard he tries, he can't fall asleep. 

After what has to be half an hour, Vanessa rolls over to look at him. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Perry chatters quietly. 

"Come here," Vanessa whispers. 

Perry does as he's told, hopping off the couch and stopping next to Vanessa's arm. He's not sure what she wants, but he trusts her just enough to go in blindly. 

Vanessa just puts an arm around him. "There you go. Safe and sound."

Perry hesitates, but he has to admit, he's much more comfortable now. It's not quite the same as lying in bed with Phineas or Ferb, but he'll take what he can get. He lies down and closes his eyes, and this time, he falls asleep with ease. 

~~

Perry stays with the girls throughout the night and well into the morning. He wants to be around when Doofenshmirtz inevitably shows up to take Vanessa home. Logically, he knows the guy won't do anything — evil is just his job, and he's off the clock right now — but he doesn't want to risk it. 

When the doorbell rings, Perry runs to the front door, standing off to the side so he doesn't get in the way. Linda follows not too far behind him, but the girls all stay in the kitchen eating breakfast — though Vanessa politely declined to eat Linda's homemade muffins because, quote, "my dad's robot makes them _way_ too much."

"That's _adorable_ ," Vanessa says with a laugh. "Perry runs to the door every time the doorbell rings?"

"No, not usually," Candace says. "I don't know what's up with him right now."

Linda opens the door, and the first thing Perry sees is the pajamas. He's wearing _pajamas_. It's ten in the morning, he's here to pick up his daughter, and he's still wearing his _pajamas_. No wonder Vanessa's always so embarrassed by him. Perry would be, too.

"You must be Mr. Doofenshmirtz," Linda says as she steps back to let him in. 

"Dr. Doofenshmirtz, actually," he says as he steps inside. 

"Dad, a $15 degree from the internet does not make you a doctor!" Vanessa calls from the kitchen. 

Doofenshmirtz eyes Perry for a moment. "Is that a platypus?"

"Oh, yes, that's Perry," Linda says, bending down to scoop him up. "He's usually with the boys, but I think he really likes Vanessa, because he spent all night with her."

"Platypuses always do," Doofenshmirtz remarks. 

Vanessa rounds the corner, her bag packed with everything she needs to bring home, but she drops it all in shock when she sees her father. "Dad, what are you wearing?"

"Oh, right." Doofenshmirtz chuckles awkwardly. "I kinda blew up my only clean lab coat last night, so we have to swing by the dry cleaners on the way home."

Vanessa groans. "This is why I wanted Mom to pick me up." She picks her bag back up and turns around to look at her friends. "Until 20 seconds ago, I had a great time. I'll see you guys later?"

"Definitely," Stacy says. 

"Bye!" Candace adds. 

"Bye, guys." She turns to Linda. "Thank you for having me."

"No problem!"

"And bye, Perry." Vanessa scratches his head. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you _very_ soon."

Perry just chatters, because yes, yes she will. 


End file.
